The first..

The first is always the hardest. You have to take the time to realize that the idea that you are forming are going to be read, at most, by someone, somewhere, who will inevitably believe you are an idiot. But that is the risk you take with this. I wrote something earlier today because I find myself becoming more depressed the less I write. I believe this is because the less I write, the less I know about myself. But also may contribute to my lack of self esteem and self worth. The less I write, the less I think I am capable of. And there are the time when I feel as if I can't write anything of interest. I wonder if, through the ages, great writers have gone though the same type of emotions. But perhaps it is far too conceited to believe that great writers experienced that same trials that someone such as myself has. But, I digress.. Here is what I wrote today:

I'm having trouble reaching the point in which I feel as if I'm successful. I write things, but am constantly questioning their validity and whether they are actual pieces of art or whether I'm delusional to the point of getting myself hyped up over small things I consider monumental successes. When this realization comes into effect, I notice that my confidence level drops tremendously and I fall into a depression I find difficult to escape from. I spend a lot of the time reading and playing games, because they are things I am generally good at. And when those past times fall through, I am left with an empty dizzy feeling of nothingness. Like I've failed at some great cosmic task I was supposed to achieve. I wonder, sometimes, if I'm putting too much stress on myself.


And that's about it. It felt good to write that because it flowed from my fingers relatively well and I did not have to search for words at thesaurus.com when they failed to manifest in my head. Hopefully, now that I have started, I will be more motivated to write everyday. I hope, at least.